ARRANGING A FUNERAL

On average, most people will arrange only two funerals in their lifetime. This limited experience often leaves a family feeling inadequate, not knowing what to do or what it costs. “Help!  I’ve never done this before.”

The question most people ask is “What does everyone else do?” The human quest for normality seems to drive our search for what is usual or average for others. When faced with the unfamiliar feelings and the emotions that the death of a loved one brings, families have a greater need for such security and normality.

Each person is unique in personality, likes and dislikes. Consequently, no two funerals will be the same. They neither can nor should be. Good funeral directors are able to hear the needs, provide some options and perform a service based on the uniquely personal decisions you make.

Very few people ever give much thought to what funeral directors do and how much time it takes to organise a funeral. On average, it takes between 24 and 36 hours. Thankfully, the funeral director does most of the work, leaving you time to gather as a family and support each other in your early grieving.

Here is some helpful information about arranging a funeral and the laws governing funeral arrangements.

YOUR FIRST CONTACT WITH US

The first contact you have with a funeral director is usually on the telephone. At this point, the funeral director is going to need the following information:

• The full name of the deceased.
• Normal residential address.
• Dates of birth and death.
• The location of the deceased.
• If a medical certificate for the cause of death has been signed by the medical practitioner.
• The full name, address and phone number of the next of kin who will be in charge of the funeral arrangements.
• An insight as to whether a burial or cremation is intended.

The first important step is to ensure that the person who has died is transferred into the care of the funeral director. Next, an arrangement interview time is scheduled. Most funeral directors will attend your home to make arrangements, as this is often a time where families need to be together.

The option of visiting the funeral director’s office may also be helpful as it takes the principal decision-makers away from the phone calls and visitors. This provides a calmer environment in which to make decisions and give instructions to the funeral director. This alternative is also helpful in allowing you to see the funeral director’s premises, and to select from the range of coffins and caskets they provide.

WHEN SOMEONE DIES NATURALLY

The determination that someone has died naturally is made solely by their normal medical practitioner’s ability and willingness to sign a medical certificate detailing the cause of death. The following general rules apply for the medical practitioner to do this:

• The doctor must have seen and treated the person while they where alive; and
• The doctor must understand the cause and condition leading to the person’s death.  This must meet the criteria and guidelines of the Coroners Act and the doctor must indicate his or her willingness to sign a certificate of death.

All professional funeral directors operate a 24 hour service and are available to bring the person who has died into their care immediately, if required.

Once the doctor has been advised and has indicated his or her willingness to write the death certificate your next call should be to the funeral director for help with this.

The general requirement of private nursing or aged care facilities, private hospitals and/or your own private residence is the immediate transfer of the deceased into the funeral director’s care.

Public hospitals generally have specific facilities to care for your loved one until the next morning or the next working day.

UNEXPECTED, SUDDEN OR ACCIDENTAL DEATH

When death is accidental, sudden or unexpected, a different process must be followed. The first and obvious step is to contact the police. Their task is to investigate the circumstances, gather information, determine a positive identification and ensure the careful transfer of the person who has died to the coroner’s facility.

These details are then presented to the coroner responsible for the jurisdiction in which the death has occurred. The coroner orders a medical examination of the person who has died. Although families often find the prospect of this upsetting, it is a matter governed by law and must be carried out.

Once the coroner has all the evidence and information from the police and the medical examiner, he or she can make an informed decision as to the cause of the person’s death.

Laws are designed to protect all of us. The coroner’s work is not just about the establishment of reasons behind the death of the person, but about protecting our society. It is concerned with advancing health and safety in the workplace and the general community by recommending actions to minimise the recurrence of the causes of death.

WHAT PAPERWORK WILL I HAVE TO SIGN?

The Funeral Contract

A key part of the funeral arrangement interview is completing and signing a contract of service and costing between you and the funeral director. This form acts as an agreement between you and the funeral director, and provides the funeral director with authority to prepare and provide the funeral service in accordance with your requests. It also specifies costs and terms of payment.

Death Registration Application

One of the first requirements of the person in charge of the funeral arrangements is to register the death. This process, although not the same, is similar to the registration of a birth or marriage. The funeral director will complete the registration and request a certified death certificate, but you as a family will have to provide the information. An outline of the information required can be found at the back of this book.

The registration of death has a twofold purpose:

• To provide to the government statistical information for administrative and genealogical purposes; and
• To provide to the family and the estate an instrument which acts as legal proof of death.
• Please go to the Helpful Documents section of our website to see the family history information required.
  

Authority to Release a Deceased Person

As a protection to you and your family, governments in all States have a form of authority for the release of deceased persons from public hospitals.  This means that without the prior written consent of the person requesting the funeral, a funeral director cannot transfer the person that has died into their care.  You will need to sign this form.

• Please go to the Helpful Documents section of our website to see the family history information required.
  

when burial is intended

The person requesting the funeral signs an application for the desired cemetery to allocate a grave site or the reopening of a previously occupied grave where allowance has been made for a second or third burial. The cemetery authority uses information in this application to establish ownership and authority for the grave site and its possible future use.

whEn CREMATION is intended

When a cremation service is requested, the person requesting the funeral must complete two forms in place of the one for burial.

Authorisation for Dealing with Ashes

This form is a simple form of authority for the crematorium involved advising them of your instructions regarding the cremated remains at the conclusion of the cremation.

FORM 1 Request for Permission to Cremate

This form requests a doctor (usually the government medical officer) for permission and a certificate to cremate. This medical practitioner acts as a referee, ensuring that every detail of the cause of death and intended cremation is correct and lawful, and of your lawful authority as the next of kin or similarly qualified person to arrange the cremation.

WHAT COSTS ARE INVOLVED IN A FUNERAL?

Most family members only ever see the end price of a funeral. There is a perception that the entire cost of the funeral originates with the funeral director. That is not the case. Many of the costs that arise come from your personal choices and from services provided by other parties.  We trust that you will find the following breakdown of costs helpful.

The best way to understand funeral costs is to consider them in two distinct categories:

• The funeral director’s costs, or the items and services provided directly by the company; and
• Disbursements, or the items and services administered by the funeral director but provided and charged for by others.
  

the funeral director’s charges

All funeral directors charge a professional fee.  At Russell Firth Integrity Funerals our professional fees cover
the following matters:

• Availability of professionally trained staff 24 hours a day, 365 days of the year, to care for your family’s needs;
• Safe, secure and gentle care of your loved one in properly secured premises;
• Washing, dressing and preparation of your loved one for viewing;
• Private facilities for viewing your loved one within business hours;
• The choice of our fleet of hearses in either burgundy, black or white;
• Conducting, managing and attending to your loved one’s funeral at the place of your family’s choice;
• Liaising with clergy, celebrants, cemetery and crematoria facilities, florists, newspaper publications, musicians and caterers;
• Attending to registration of the death and adhering to local government regulatory bodies and their statutory requirements;
• Secure and professional transportation of your loved one during business hours from the place of death into our care
• Ongoing care and support for you and your family, as the need arises in the future, including introduction to qualified grief counsellors, the provision of grief-recovery literature, and information for relevant support networks in your local area. In addition to the professional fees, the other major item in the funeral director’s charges is the coffin or casket.
  

disbursements

As previously mentioned, disbursements are costs that are paid on your behalf by the funeral director. Most mainstream funeral directors accept these charges as part of the total account simply to assist you as a family to concentrate on each other and the day, rather than administering many small details.  Disbursements may include the following:

• The cost of cremation;
• Purchasing and preparing a gravesite;
• Certificates (registration and/or cremation);
• Clergy or celebrant fee or offering;
• Church costs;
• Musician’s costs;
• Newspaper notices;
• Floral tributes;
• Funeral stationery;
• Video or photography of the funeral;
• Mourning cars;
• Embalming;
• Air freight;
• Road transport
• Goods and Services Tax.

We trust that we have given you a helpful guide to costing the funeral. Our commitment to you is to help you clearly understand the costs of a funeral personalised to your needs and wishes. At no cost or obligation, we will meet with you, gain an understanding of your personal choices, and provide a written quotation giving you accurate costs based on the current prices for your consideration.

THE CASKET OR COFFIN

The choice of the type of coffin or casket is a very personal matter. In fact, the law does not talk about a casket or coffin.  It states that a suitable container that is both airtight and watertight must be used. The use of a casket or coffin is in reality a very practical act. It provides for the ease of movement of the deceased person and their care and housing in a hygienic way. So, what is it all about?  At Integrity Funerals, we believe that it is about four different but related issues:

• What is the casket made from?
• What is its colour or stain?
• What does it cost?
• Personal Choice - what would you like to see your loved one presented in for the funeral?
  

Coffins and caskets are made from a number of different materials - particle board, cardboard (environmentally friendly), craftwood, solid timber or metal. When explaining the range of coffins and caskets available, your funeral director should explain the differences between these materials and their respective values.

Particleboard and craftwood coffins and caskets are usually veneered and then stained to represent different timbers.  The veneer may be timber or a synthetic material that looks like timber. Solid timber coffins and caskets can be similarly stained or simply finished to present their natural colour and beauty.

The cost of the casket or coffin usually represents the materials used, the level of craftsmanship employed in its manufacture, and the fittings such as handles, drapery and religious or other ornaments affixed.

What is appropriate for some people may not be appropriate for others. What is simple to some might look and feel complex to others. We encourage you to ask the defining questions and help us to help you make an informed decision that best suits your personal or family needs. After all, this is a deeply personal decision and one of the last gifts that you as a family can give to your loved one.

should i see the person that has died?

Many families are quite daunted at the thought of seeing their loved one after they have died.  This is usually when a person has had no experience seeing someone who has died, let alone coping with the emotion of losing someone they love dearly.

The decision to see the person again after they have died is a deeply personal one and is built upon so many different things, including opinions and feelings. The questions arise such as: What will they look like? Will this last memory be the best one for me to have personally, or should I remember them as they are pictured in my mind? Will they look the same? Will they look okay? Should we let the children come?  Most of these questions are based upon a lack of experience and often a lack of information supplied to you by the people who are helping you through this. There should be very clear communication from us as your funeral director to help you understand what seeing your loved one involves.

We believe the decision is yours and a very personal one. We believe it is often a very helpful experience for you as a family to see, touch, and spend time with the person you love. Although painful, this experience should not be any different to when they were alive; we believe strongly that this process brings a sense of normality, understanding, and healing to the journey of grief. The decision is best based on what you may or may not regret doing in the future. As hard as it is sometimes to go through the process, it may just help you to move on to new and positive things. Some people are content with the memories of the beautiful and good things they have shared with their loved one and it cannot be understated.

CARE AND PREPARATION OF THE PERSON THAT HAS DIED

Within the boundaries of the funeral directors’ professional fee, funeral directors who are professional and competently trained will carefully prepare the deceased. Our company makes the commitment that regardless of whether the families have requested to see the person who has died again or not, we will perform our duties in a gentle, professional, and ethical way by preparing and dressing the person in the clothing that has been provided by the family.

What is meant by “preparing the person” is that we will place them in the coffin/casket selected by the family and give them the appearance of resting, as though they are asleep.

On some occasions where the death of the person has been unnatural or traumatic, we will attempt to restore and repair any change made to their usual appearance. This process can take a significant amount of time and careful consideration. Discussion between you as a family and the funeral director must also take place to ensure that your expectations and understanding of the outcome is what can actually be done to restore and repair any injuries that may have been sustained.

EMBALMING

Embalming of the person who has died in Australia is more a specific requirement due to circumstances, rather than a part of the usual process. The following circumstances govern the necessity for the embalming and preservation of the deceased.

• Air travel within Australia and overseas (this is a requirement by law);
• Where a significant amount of time will elapse before the funeral can take place;
• Where the entombment above ground in a mausoleum or vault is intended; and
• Where a family elects, because of cultural or religious beliefs, to have their loved one at home for a period of more than one day.
  

WHAT DO I DO ABOUT GRAVESTONES, MEMORIAL PLAQUES, AND THE PLACEMENT OF ASHES?

When the funeral is over and you have concluded your dealings with the funeral director, the next step is memorialisation. This is the process of marking the final resting place of your loved one’s body with an appropriate memorial plaque or stone.  In the case of cremation, it will also include choosing somewhere to place the ashes.  Alternatively, you may elect to scatter the ashes in a place significant to your loved one’s memory, perhaps at sea, or over a sporting field, or at another site that has personal significance to you and your family.

For this step of memorialisation you communicate directly with the cemetery or crematorium. The funeral director is not involved.

At a Cemetery:

In the process of arranging the funeral you will have established who is responsible for the cemetery of your choice, either the local council or a private company or trust. You will now need to talk to them about the options available to you and the regulations that govern your choices. If you have chosen a site in the monumental section, you will be able to erect a gravestone and choose the inscription. If you have chosen a site in a lawn section of the cemetery, you may still choose the inscriptions, but generally will be limited to a plaque on a base set into the ground. The cemetery authority will be able to answer your questions about the nature and size of your memorial, and the costs involved.

If your family already owns a grave site and you have chosen cremation, it may be helpful to ask about the internment (burying) of ashes in that site.

At a Crematorium:

Crematoria usually offer a variety of choices to memorialise your loved one. Garden beds, family estates, memorial walls and scattering within their grounds are likely to be some of your options. Their consultants will outline your options and costs. If you choose to take the ashes away for your personally chosen alternative, they will provide
them to you in a sealed receptacle.

Scattering:

Currently, no laws exist in Queensland to restrict your choice of place to scatter cremated ashes. However, before you act, it would be wise to secure the consent of the governing body of any particular site you choose, such as a park, sporting field, racetrack, waterway or other place.

Planning the eulogy

As part of most funeral ceremonies, someone (a family member, the priest, minister or celebrant) tells an abbreviated Life Story of the one who has died. This is called The Eulogy, from the Greek words “to speak well of”.  Often it is difficult to know what to include and what to leave out. Generally speaking, the main Eulogy should include (i) a brief history and (ii) some personal characteristics. Some families use a video presentation in some form as part of the Eulogy. Sometimes a second eulogy is brought from a grandchild, lifetime friend or working associate.  Some people choose to present this as a letter read to their deceased loved one.

Realism

Everybody is somebody’s hero. When we speak of somebody that we love who has died a temptation often arises to exaggerate their good points and eliminate their shortcomings. An old adage says that “the older we are, the better we were”. It is good to be realistic in the Eulogy. Certainly, maximize the good, but even a passing reference to the widely known shortcomings of the person who has died will lend credibility to your story.

Humour

Traces of genuine humour will often ease the hardest of eulogies. Most people have at least one funny story in their past, usually famous among the family if no-one else. Depending on the circumstances, including this can often provide an emotional relief valve to the heaviness of a funeral. Provided you do not set out to be a stand-up comedian or bring into the public an essentially private story, a small, genuine piece of humour will highlight the good story you are telling.

Write it out

For two good reasons. First, it tidies your thoughts and presentation. It is easy to think that you will come across more naturally if you speak “off the cuff”. Even if you are skilled and experienced in public speaking, the emotion of the moment can rob you of a key memory you later may wish you had included.  If you have limited experience, it is likely that without preparation you will talk for longer than you had planned and get enmeshed in the details of one part of the story, losing the main point.

Second, the act of telling the stories of someone we love often brings uninvited tears and the inability to continue.  This is natural. But the story needs to be told, and if you cannot go on, another family member, a friend, the priest, minister or celebrant can take a written script and continue until you are able. Without a script, your valuable thoughts may not be shared as you wish them to be.

Music

Music has a way of both grasping and soothing the emotions. This is especially true at a funeral. Often a key piece of music will follow immediately after the Eulogy, giving everyone present an opportunity to reflect on the life being celebrated. Choose something loved by the family or the person who has died, or music that sums up his or her character. Gone are the days when this music has to be slow and sombre. Unless the words are socially unacceptable, almost anything goes.

To the right is a guide for your use in gathering and arranging the details for a Eulogy.

Download our Eulogy plan sheet.